Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Day 85 - Fear of Living for REAL





This is a continuation to my blog post Day 84 - Who and What am I ‘Living’ for?


Self-Forgiveness - Part 1
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to exist within a state of physical uncomfortability as i walk my day and encounter others within my physical reality.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to create a relationship within myself of fear towards the point of interacting with others in my physical reality based on the knowledge I have about how my mind patterns are able to in an instant activate and completely direct me to interacting from a starting point of energy, and thus consequentially manifest time-loops for myself as well as possibly affect another's process of self-change in a way in which I have judged to be 'negative'. 

From this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I have through this been keeping myself locked into the point of participating from and within my mind when/as I interact with others due to this irrational fear which I have held onto based on these memories of my past - thus manifesting the exact point which I had resisted in the first place through creating a fear relationship with regards to interacting with my environment and those within it. Furthermore, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go through my days by existing within my mind as memories of the past as all of the times when I had created undesirable consequences for myself and others through my self-interested mind participation within my physical reality, and within this I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that this continued existence within fear of interacting with others from a starting point of unconditional self-expression, indicates that I had not in fact truly forgiven myself unconditionally in those past moment when I had realized what I had done through creating consequences from my mind-participation with others and my physical environment.

Thus, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a relationship of fear of and within myself in the moments when I had self-realizations with regards to how I had created and manifested consequences which were not best for all in the past, and from this I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to participate within the backchat of "I am so fucked up!" and "I cannot trust myself because I always create shit for myself" during and after these moments of self-realization, instead of having allowed myself to truly take my 'seeing' of the patterns of how I had participated within them in creating the outflow of consequences which I had, and from this moving myself to forgive myself unconditionally without self-judgment in order to release myself from the emotional energetic charges which I had attached to each dimension of the patterns which I had existed within, and from this directing myself to investigating practical solutions to live to ensure that I never allow myself to fall into the 'same traps' of my mind again.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have upon becoming more aware of how I create and manifest consequences through my mind participation, go into fear of myself as what I have accepted and allowed myself to become, instead of being practical within my expansion of self-awareness through assisting and supporting myself to simply move to self-correction through applying the tools of self-writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective action.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that each one will have to walk through their own minds in taking responsibility for what one has accepted and allowed in order to correct the mess we have created here on earth through allowing ourselves to exist within alternate mind dimensions of illusion, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to view this basic act of required self-responsible self-change into a being which exists in support of all as self as a scary thing to do, without realizing that my continued justification of this fear is merely an excuse to remain within separation from all within my self-interested reality wherein I have lived only to serve myself.

Furthermore, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that fear is in fact a cop-out wherein I make the fear 'so real' within my mind and try with all my might to justify it as real, instead of realizing that through this I am only evading the act of stopping my self-separation from reality here through giving my fears more value and attention than the basic acts of stopping the illusion of fear. Within this I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that all I have been doing is charging, powering and generating the mind-consciousness system within and as me through allowing myself to be equal to this fear of essentially living radically within and as breath, constantly and consistently, which is shown in the basic starting of a statement of 'I fear……", wherein I state that I AM "this" FEAR.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to build layers upon layers of self-separation within myself through defining myself to being equal to fear through all of the "I fear….." statements as self-beliefs which I have defined myself according to.

In my next blog post I will be going deeper into the specific fears I have defined myself as in relation to the 'umbrella fear' of fearing interaction with others within my world and reality.

Thanks for reading.

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