Sunday, December 16, 2012

Day 86 - Fear of Living for REAL - Part 2




Self-Forgiveness - Part 2
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have manifested a fear of others in order to avoid the core point at hand which is the self-judgment I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within/as.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear what others think about me in relation to how I participate within my physical reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that others don't approve of me, and from this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise myself in everything I do due to the point of trying to get approval from others so that I can be in their 'good books'. From this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use this fear as a cover up to not have to face the actual point at hand here, which is that I do not approve of myself but instead constantly and continuously keep myself locked into this pattern of existing within inferiority/superiority through allowing self-judgment to become me through the process of thinking/back-chatting about how I 'fit into' a certain specific situation and/or a being's world and reality.

Thus, in this moment, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not approve of myself but to have instead always only existed within a relationship of self-judgment within/as myself where from I always either categorize/judge/place myself into the polarity of being 'inferior' or 'superior' at any given time in order to perpetuate my existence within/as self-judgment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will be excluded from activities which I would like to participate within due to the belief that those suggestion/directing the activities will choose to not include me based on certain judgments they might have about me. From this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I have projected onto others the point of being excluded, instead of realizing that the actual point here is that I have accepted and allowed myself to in fACT exclude myself from activities due to my OWN judgment of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/belief/perceive that I am somehow not worthy of participating within certain specific activities due to judging myself as this - unworthy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will be attacked in some way by others if I step out of this fear and allow myself to really investigate who I am within my living application of myself through not allowing this fear to direct me, but to instead allow myself to be the director of who I accept and allow myself to be within/as myself.

A few memories just popped up in relation to this point, which I will walk through within my next blog post:

Memory 1:
School Excursion

Memory 2:
Someone suggested exercises in order to lose weight. Trigger point - "there must be something wrong with me"

Memory 3:
Not too cool for school



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