Sunday, December 23, 2012

Day 88 - Money and Self-Acceptance - Fear of Living for REAL - Part 4


This is a continuation to my blog posts:
and


In my previous post listed above, I shared a memory in relation to the point of when I started to really develop a relationship of 'fear of what others will say/think about me' from which I have created a relationship of self-compromise through always changing the way I behave and interact when I am around certain specific people or when I find myself in certain specific situations.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into an emotional experience of  
feeling like an outcast when children at school made jokes about how poor I was because we couldn’t afford for me to go on the school excursion.

From this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have defined myself as an outcast based on the energetic reactions I experienced of embarrassment and self-judgment when others made jokes about my family being unable to afford certain things.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within the memory of children at school making jokes about my family’s apparent inadequate money status/availability, take these jokes personally and from transform this reaction into a relationship of self-judgment and fear with myself in relation to money within the belief that my worth is reflected within how much money me/my family have or don’t have.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed a world where those with money make jokes about those within lessor positions within our current monetary system, where within and from this children reflect this division by money as being OK through making jokes about those that are less ‘fortunate’, which is a direct indication of what the parents of the world are teaching children to accept as values which do not stand as what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have carried the memory of when I was teased as a child about not having ‘enough’ money along with the emotions I experienced and the self-beliefs I defined myself to as being somehow less than those with more money with me throughout my life, wherein from this I have always allowed myself to judge and compare myself to others in relation to how much money each has and from this move myself to standing in a position of either inferiority or superiority within and as myself in relationship to this construct I have created within and as myself.

From this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed this relationship of inferiority and superiority in relation to money status affect the way in which I interact with my environment and the people within it which can be seen in the way I change my behaviour within different environments and upon interacting with different people. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within the memory of children at school making jokes about me being poorer than them, create a relationship of fear within and as myself in relation to what others say and think about me, within the starting point of wanting to be accepted by those within my world and reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within a relationship of self-judgment in relation to my history of struggles with money, and from this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that there must be something wrong with me for not having had lots of money within the comparison between myself and those whom I grew up around who came from rich family backgrounds. From this I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that we live in a world where inequality is birthed from our current economic systems and that we have within the current systems allowed ourselves to accept that a person's worth is defined by the money they have, wherein from this we have manifested absolute abuse towards life where we exploit the earth for her resources and within this allow millions to starve to death because we continue to support these systems within the way in which we live.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to buy into this abuse system within the way in which I have allowed myself to judge myself as less than and inadequate in relation to not being rich with money, based on taking others' behaviour towards this point personally, and from this buying into the beLIEf that there must be something wrong with me because I was no longer 'cool in school' due to the financial gap between my family and the families of my peers.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that the value of life as who I am is not determined by how much money I have, and from this I commit myself to stand for the implementation of an Equal Money System in order to make this a living statement within the world today, so that no one has to suffer and die at the hands of a system which stands to prove this otherwise through making the value of life equal to money.




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