Sunday, December 30, 2012

Day 90 - Don't you SEE?... It's all a SOLD LIE - Fear of Living for REAL - Part 6


This is a continuation to my blog posts:
Day 84 - Who and What am I ‘Living’ for?
Day 85 - Fear of Living for REAL
Day 86 - Fear of Living for REAL - Part 2
Day 87 - Fear of Living for REAL - Part 3
Day 88 - Money and Self-Acceptance - Fear of Living for REAL - Part 4
and
Day 89 - There must be Something Wrong with Me - Fear of Living for REAL - Part 5


 





This is a continuation of the memories which I identified in relation to the point of when I started to really develop a relationship of 'fear of what others will say/think about me' from which I have created a relationship of self-compromise through always changing the way I behave and interact when I am around certain specific people or when I find myself in certain specific situations.







Taking Responsibility through Self-Forgiveness

Memory 2:
So this memory is of when a close friend of mine suggested in a subtle way that I do some exercise to lose weight.
My reaction was one of agreement in the moment when she shared this suggestion, however this was just an act to cover up the internal mess which was going on within me. I had the following backchat:
"there must be something wrong with me if my friend is suggesting that I lose weight"
"I have to investigate ways to lose weight soon for fear that I will not be accepted by society for not being skinny"
I remember having this experience of - it really sucks that we have these ridiculous body judgments separating us from each other wherein we judge a person according to how they look in comparison to the pictures/images of skinny people which we have been brainwashed by magazines/movies/media to strive towards as the 'ideal way to present oneself physically'. However, never within this did I actually take lead from this insight to actually stand up within myself and say "no, I will not allow myself to form a relationship of judgment towards by body based on what others say/think/believe'… instead I allowed myself to accept the backchats and thoughts and reactions which I was experiencing in this memory (as one example) as who I am and from this I allowed myself to let it form part of the foundation of my relationships/interactions with the people within my world and reality as well as the way in which I experience myself within and during it all.


Self-Forgiveness:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within the memory of when my friend suggested that I do exercise to lose some weight, react within my physical behavior within agreement to what she said, while at the same time through this manipulating myself to agreeing with her in order to make it seem like I didn't have an issue with what she suggested. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress the emotional reactions I was experiencing within myself and that I had through this act of suppressing them, evaded the act of taking self-responsibility for that which I was experiencing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within the memory of when my friend suggested that I do exercise to lose some weight, react by taking what she said personally and from this accepted and allow myself to believe the conclusion I came to within my backchat of "there must be something wrong with me if my friend is suggesting that I lose weight". From this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to carry this self-created self-belief with me throughout my life, wherein whenever someone disapproves of something I am wearing; disapproves of what I say; disapproves of anything I do, and even when I make mistakes within my self-application within my world and reality, I immediately activate this backchat of there must be something wrong with me".

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within the memory of when my friend suggested that I do exercise to lose some weight, react by taking what she said personally and from this accepted and allow myself to believe the conclusion I came to within my backchat of "I have to investigate ways to lose weight soon for fear that I will not be accepted by society for not being skinny".

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed a world wherein one is judged according to what they do and don't look like physically in comparison to all of the ideals which have been accepted and passed down from generation to generation in relation to what a girl/women should look like and strive to look like.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to choose to compromise myself/my body in order to fit into others' ideas of how someone should look and present themselves physically to the world, instead of having followed through with my initial common sense realization that body judgments only further separate us from each other. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand the mechanics of how the mind functions within how I have accepted and allowed myself to design my mind, wherein within this point, I had accepted and allowed myself to agree to society's ideas of how a girl/women should portray themselves physically, thus making these ideas/beliefs/perceptions my OWN and furthermore defining myself to these ideas/beliefs/perceptions in order to remain in a state of deceptive happiness/positivity which only masks the real truth of myself within all of this, which is that I have always fear what others may think about me if I were to actually stand up and withdraw my initial acceptances and allowances in relation to all of the beliefs/ideas/perceptions about how a girl's/women's body should look like, and instead exist within a relationship of unconditional self-acceptance, equality and oneness with my body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to buy into what has been sold to me through magazines/media/movies as the 'ideal way to look as a girl/women' which is to be skinny/thin, where the 'buying into' part constitutes my attention which I have given to these ideals which have been marketed within society, and more specifically within the family and friends constructs.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that there could be an 'ideal way to physically look and present oneself as' without considering the reality which is that each being has a unique body expression and that to buy into these beliefs that each one should strive towards fitting into a certain 'ideal' is absolutely ludicrous, as it only serves to separate us from our own individual self-honest self-expressions as who we really are. Furthermore, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that these 'ideals' have been deceitfully sold to us by corporations through cunning marketing strategies within our current monetary systems, with the starting point to get us to buy into these ideals so that they can create products of absolute deception and abuse towards life, which we then successfully BUY into as well through making our vote known through purchasing these products in order to align ourselves to these ideals which were only created for the purpose of making profit in the first place.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within the memory of when my friend suggested that I do exercise to lose some weight, accept the backchats and thoughts and reactions which I was experiencing as who I am, and from I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let it form part of the foundation of my relationships/interactions with the people within my world and reality as well as the way in which I experience myself within and during my participation/interaction within my world and reality.


Self-Forgiveness for 'Memory 3' to follow...




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