Sunday, March 3, 2013

Day 107 - Forgive Me Buttocks as I Forgive Myself


This is a continuation of my ‘Body Image’ Series.

For context, please read the following posts in relation to this series:
Day 102 - Body Image-I-nation - Clearing the Nations of Imagined Body Images
Day 103 - Body Images reflected within the Mirrors of my Mind
Day 104 - Jealousy Make you Nasty! - Comparison to Other Body Images
Day 105 - Exercise and How I Punished My Body for a PICTURE
Day 106 - Body Image-I-nation - Clearing the Nations of Imagined Body Images continued...

Self-Forgiveness - Buttocks - Part 1

 
Body part 1 - Buttocks
Backchat/Thoughts/Internal Experience (Negative)
  • Too curvy from side profile – I don’t like it
  • It’s too fat/big
  • Main point of dislike towards body
  • Battle finding pants designed for my body
  • Why do I have such a curvy ass? It’s not normal
  • Word with energetic attachment – ‘Boesman boude’
  • Attracts unwanted male attention – Sleazy remarks – makes me feel dirty
  • Ideal image –  I want a ‘normal’ ass
- Define accepted definition of ‘normal ass’
  • Multiple memories of being teased when I was younger
 Backchat/Thoughts/Internal Experience (Positive)
  • Embraced male attention received for it

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I see the side profile of my body either within my mind's imagination of a picture/image or in reality when I see my physical reflection, to from this go into the experience of self-judgment within allowing myself to have the backchat 'My buttocks is too curvy', and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to from this backchat generate and project a preference onto/towards my buttocks within how I would want my body picture representation to look from a side-view/profile.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a relationship of separation from my buttocks through creating friction and conflict within myself which is generated and directed towards my buttocks through accepting and allowing myself to exist within a mind relationship of likes and dislikes towards my buttocks.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive my buttocks to be 'too fat' and to from this have attached a negative energetically charged experience to what I perceive to be 'too fat buttocks' within the process of comparing my buttocks to pictures/images of other physical bodies which I have accumulated to keep myself locked into this self-judgment of my buttocks. From this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that it is not only myself whom I abuse within and during this process of judging my physical body and defining it in accordance with either and negative and/or positive energetic experience, but that I also completely disregard other human physical bodies as I use them to accumulate more images/pictures to add to my self-sabotage mind imagination database.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within the memory of when a family friend asked me to turn to my side, react emotionally within embarrassment and shame when she commented that I have a curvy ass. From this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to interpret her comment as it being a bad thing that I have a curvy ass.

Main point of dislike towards body
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to throughout my life generate such a negative experience towards my buttocks to the point where it has become the main part of my body which I experience dislike towards. From this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go through my life thinking/believing/perceiving that it is OK to have this kind of relationship towards my buttocks within the belief that ‘because society generally frowns upon curvy bodies such as mine it is OK that I don’t like/prefer the buttocks I have’. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use this belief as a justification to abuse my body through the process of sabotaging myself within the processes of thinking, backchatting, reacting towards my buttocks from a starting point of separation.

Battle finding pants designed for my body
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react within shame and disappointment whenever I shop for pants and struggle to find pants that fit my body shape.

From this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within the thought of 'SEE! - Society doesn’t cater for my body type because I can never find pants which are suited for my body shape/design', and from this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to generate the belief that 'there must be something wrong with my body' based on my experience and thinking processes in reaction to shopping for pants.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the point of not being able to find pants that fit snug around my bum while at the same time also fitting my legs, as a point with which I justify my dislike and acceptance towards my buttocks.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to base my body acceptance on external points such as the ability or inability to find clothes to wear, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that my relationship with/towards my body can only even be restored to oneness and equality from the starting point of myself. Thus, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use points outside of myself as tools to further perpetuate my self-sabotaging relationship with and towards my body, as I have seen, realized and understood what I have been participating within and that it is not a solution which is best. And I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, within knowing this, still continue to participate within using points outside of myself as a justification to continue the way I have been in relation to treating my buttocks with such absolute disregard.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that my buttocks isn’t normal but instead some alien creation which I perceive to not ‘fit into this reality’. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that there is absolutely nothing wrong or out of the ordinary with my buttocks and that the only reason I experience it as not ‘fitting into this reality’ is that the reality I refer to here is my internal mind reality which I have designed according to preferences which are made up of an accumulation of thoughts, backchat, images/pictures, beliefs, perceptions in relation to my body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to superimpose my illusionary mind reality onto and towards my physical which exists within REALity here.


To be continued...










*******************


No comments:

Post a Comment