This is a
continuation of my ‘Body Image’ Series.
For context, please read the following
posts in relation to this series:
Day 102 - Body
Image-I-nation - Clearing the Nations of Imagined Body Images
Day 103 - Body
Images reflected within the Mirrors of my Mind
Day 104 - Jealousy
Make you Nasty! - Comparison to Other Body Images
Day 105 - Exercise
and How I Punished My Body for a PICTURE
Day 106 - Body
Image-I-nation - Clearing the Nations of Imagined Body Images continued...
Self-Forgiveness - Buttocks - Part 1
Body part 1 - Buttocks
Backchat/Thoughts/Internal
Experience (Negative)
- Too curvy from side profile – I don’t like it
- It’s too fat/big
- Main point of dislike towards body
- Battle finding pants designed for my body
- Why do I have such a curvy ass? It’s not normal
- Word with energetic attachment – ‘Boesman boude’
- Attracts unwanted male attention – Sleazy remarks – makes me feel dirty
- Ideal image – I want a ‘normal’ ass
- Define accepted definition of ‘normal ass’
- Multiple memories of being teased when I was younger
Backchat/Thoughts/Internal
Experience (Positive)
- Embraced male attention received for it
I forgive myself
that I have accepted
and allowed myself to when and as I see
the side profile of my body either within my mind's imagination
of a picture/image or in reality when I see my physical reflection, to from
this go into the experience of self-judgment within allowing myself to have the
backchat 'My buttocks is too curvy', and I forgive myself that I have accepted
and allowed myself to from this backchat generate and project a preference
onto/towards my buttocks within how I would want my body picture representation
to look from a side-view/profile.
I forgive myself
that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a relationship
of separation from my buttocks through creating friction and conflict
within myself which is generated and directed towards my buttocks through accepting
and allowing myself to exist within a mind relationship
of likes and dislikes towards my buttocks.
I forgive myself
that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive my buttocks
to be 'too fat' and to from this have attached a negative energetically charged
experience to what I perceive to be 'too fat buttocks' within the process of comparing my buttocks to
pictures/images of other physical bodies which I have accumulated to keep
myself locked into this self-judgment of my buttocks. From this I forgive
myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand
that it is not only myself whom I abuse
within and during this process of judging my
physical body and defining it in accordance with either and negative and/or positive
energetic experience, but that I also completely disregard other human physical
bodies as I use them to accumulate more images/pictures to add to my
self-sabotage mind imagination
database.
I forgive myself
that I have accepted and allowed myself to within the memory
of when a family
friend asked me to turn to my side, react emotionally
within embarrassment and shame when she commented that I have a curvy ass. From
this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to interpret her
comment as it being a bad thing that I have a curvy ass.
Main point of
dislike towards body
I forgive myself
that I have accepted and allowed myself to throughout my life generate such a
negative experience towards my buttocks to the point where it has become the
main part of my body which I experience dislike towards. From this I forgive
myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go through my life
thinking/believing/perceiving that it is OK to have this kind of relationship
towards my buttocks within the belief that ‘because society generally frowns
upon curvy bodies such as mine it is OK that I don’t like/prefer the buttocks I
have’. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
use this belief as a justification to abuse my body through the process of
sabotaging myself within the processes of thinking, backchatting, reacting
towards my buttocks from a starting point of separation.
Battle finding pants
designed for my body
I forgive myself
that I have accepted and allowed myself to react within shame and
disappointment whenever I shop for pants and struggle
to find pants that fit my body shape.
From this I forgive
myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within the thought
of 'SEE! - Society doesn’t cater for my body type because I can never find
pants which are suited for my body shape/design', and from this I forgive
myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to generate the belief that
'there must be something wrong with my body' based on my experience and
thinking processes in reaction to shopping for pants.
I forgive myself
that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the point of not being able to
find pants that fit snug around my bum while at the same time
also fitting my legs, as a point with which I justify my dislike and acceptance
towards my buttocks.
I forgive myself
that I have accepted and allowed myself to base my body acceptance on external
points such as the ability or inability to find clothes to wear, instead of
seeing, realizing and understanding that my relationship with/towards my body
can only even be restored to oneness and equality from the starting point of
myself. Thus, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use
points outside of myself as tools to further perpetuate my self-sabotaging
relationship with and towards my body, as I have seen, realized and understood
what I have been participating within and that it is not a solution which is best. And
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, within knowing
this, still continue to participate within using points outside of myself as a
justification to continue the way I have been in relation to treating my buttocks
with such absolute disregard.
I forgive myself
that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that my
buttocks isn’t normal but instead some alien creation which I perceive
to not ‘fit into this reality’. I forgive myself that I have accepted and
allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that there is absolutely
nothing wrong or out of the ordinary with my buttocks and that the only reason
I experience it as not ‘fitting into this reality’ is that the reality I refer
to here is my
internal mind reality which I have designed according to preferences which are
made up of an accumulation of thoughts, backchat, images/pictures, beliefs,
perceptions in relation to my body.
I forgive myself
that I have accepted and allowed myself to superimpose my illusionary mind
reality onto and towards my physical which exists within REALity here.
To be continued...
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