Wednesday, April 23, 2014

Day 160 - Blade Runner's Trial - My Rant


I've been noticing a lot of movement within the Oscar Pistorius Trial, meaning that MANY South Africans are following it and are participating within discussion about the whole Oscar point. So for those who are not living in South Africa, and are not aware of the history here (as it has made international news)… here then a quick update:

Oscar Pistorius is a leading South African sprint runner who won attention as an athlete with a disability competing at a high level, including multiple Paralympic Games and the 2012 Summer Olympics. To South Africans he is most commonly known as the Blade Runner because he runs on his prosthetic legs which look like blades.  Oscar dated Reeva Steenkamp,  who was a South African model and reality TV star. On 14 February 2013, she was shot dead by the Paralympic athlete Oscar Pistorius at his Pretoria home. So basically, Oscar acknowledges that he shot Reeva to death and says that he mistook her for an intruder.

The Pretoria High Court ruled that the entire trial may be broadcast live via audio and that parts of the trial may be broadcast live via television, namely the opening and closing arguments, the testimony of consenting state witnesses, the judgment, and the sentencing if applicable. Hence why so many South Africans are following the Oscar trial so closely.

My issue with all of this is the fact that Oscar's trial is getting so much attention from people mostly due to the fact that he is an SA sports star, and that Reeva is a beautiful model in SA. Not saying there is anything wrong with this at all, but rather pointing out the fact that humans are SO brainwashed to only show interest when certain 'points' are met. I watched a few minutes of one of the Oscar trials which had been broadcast on TV, and I noticed the scrupulous way he the whole murder was being investigated, and immediately the thought that popped up in me was "imagine if ALL murders and injustices to life were investigated like this… We would SURELY have a changed world by now".

What is the CEO's of the corporations who destroy and harm life all for the sake of profit were also investigated in this manner.
Question: "Did you know that the consequences of your decisions would cause 'x amount' of children to be forced into child slavery all for the sake of you being able to sell your product for a cheaper price?"
Answer: "Yes"
Question: "So to be clear - despite the fact that you KNEW you would be abusing life, you decided to execute your decision regardless?"
Answer: "Yes"
Response: "Would you agree that you placed the value of your own life above others, and that in doing so you made and implemented decisions which would serve your own behest all for the sake of greed and power and status recognition, thus confirming that your current accepted and allowed character is in fact lessor than life?"

Just imagine if all injustices to life would be met with the same amount of eyes eagerly following and discussing the points which open up and exist in our world. The abuse of animals, children, nature, people all because we have systems run by self-interested characters which exist to enslave us all. We are in fact our OWN slave masters. Just imagine if we would wake up and give attention to that which is of value - LIFE. We have de-valued life and it’s time to restore the value of life.

Life = status
Life = popularity
Life = money
Life = the amount of assets you possess
Life = friends
Life = family
Life = dreaming
Life = spirituality
Life = love
Life = LIFE ...GET IT?


Sunday, April 13, 2014

Day 159 - I Purposefully Killed a Frog


So the other night I went to the bathroom, and as I closed the door I heard that crackling sound and then realized this something was jamming the door. I opened the door again and then saw a froggie jump out. Immediately I went into reaction as I  realized what I had just done - I had squished the little guy. I dropped down to the floor and investigated the state he was in, and profusely apologized to him. His one eye was completely shattered and there were some of his inner s hanging out of his mouth. I then knew what I had to do… I had to kill him, as this would be what is best for him. However I fought this realization within myself for at least a minute or 2, as I was completely stuck within this feeling of guilt as well as an experience of sadness for what the frog must be experiencing. I was also in a way hoping that in some way he would be OK, so that I would not have to kill him, so I was investigating him closely to see if there is any sign of this. He was jumping and looked fine on the one side of his body, but as soon as I placed myself in his shoes, I realized that he was not OK and would not survive with the deformities he has from being squished.

So in one moment, I breathed and grounded myself within myself and stopped participating within the emotional experience I was in. Then I started looking for a brick or similar to kill the frog with. I found a big and flat surfaced rock which would be able to do the job effectively. I then took him outside onto the step, and then came this IMMENSE resistance to doing what I knew I must - kill him. Then I realized that the longer I procrastinate = the longer he is suffering. So I literally had to use my voice and speak directly to myself through the emotions "STOP Rozelle! Breathe.." and then I hit the rock as hard as I could over the frog. As soon as I lifted the rock, he jumped out from under it, so I had to immediately repeat the same process to finish his life on earth off.

I went into the detail here specifically, to show a point I realized within this all. Doing what is best even when your whole body and mind fight against it. Living what is best is in moments extremely tough, however it has to be done no matter what. Now, If we look at the world we live in with all of the suffering existent within it. We can see how we avoid walking through our own minds and resistances towards applying that which is best for all. Yet we all get triggered with anger and emotion whenever we see an animal or human suffering in the form of shared news/pictures/documentaries etc. However, we are too eager to protect our experiences of ourselves within this life, and this prevents up from stepping beyond our own self-interest in order to do what is necessary to stop the suffering which exists. All kinds of protection mechanisms exist within us in the form of justifications, belief systems, opinions, ideas, blame etc. Doing what is best is not an easy task when you are protecting your character's design. So the problem then exists within one's character, within the design of the character one has accepted and allowed oneself to be/become. Time to start INVESTigating your character within its totality, and establish the problem points which are preventing you from living what is best for all. It's no easy task to face oneself, yet we owe it to ourselves and those around us if we ever wish to see a world where life is respected and all are able to live in dignity. Investigate Desteni I Process and Eqafe for support within the process of investigating your pre-programming and learning how to step beyond that in order to arrive atthat which is best for all (which obviously includes yourself).


Here are some cool interviews about the consciousness of a frog:

 


Saturday, April 5, 2014

Day 158 - Self-Forgiveness for taking my Life and Time for Granted


This is a continuation of my previous blog post - Taking Myself & Time for Granted
If you haven't already, I suggest reading this before continuing.

This self-investigation was spurred on by listening to the Interview ‘what you take for granted' on Eqafe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take myself for granted within what I do and who I am within every moment of every day.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take my life and my time on earth within this life for granted.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take my body for granted through neglecting to see, realize and understand how much my body supports me within this one life I have.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe and perceive that I am in some way in control of time, without realizing that this very idea/belief is in complete contradiction to the reality of the expression and existence of time. From this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use this belief as a reason/justification/excuse to not use the time that I have HERE to the best of my ability with regards to changing certain self-abusive patterns within myself. And I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to instead keep putting off many of these patterns to be faced and worked with 'another day', within this belief that I am in some way in control of my time here on earth to be able to do these things I keep pushing forward into time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take things for granted through allowing this belief system to override reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take for granted the fact that I only have this ONE life here on earth in which to face myself and correct myself into and towards being the best possible me I am able to be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within the thought "there is always tomorrow" as a reason for not utilizing the time I have available Here in a Moment to do that which I see and know I must.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take the opportunities I have at my disposal for really facing and correcting myself for granted.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take the moments as opportunities for self-change which I have for granted through at the same time taking my self-awareness for granted, through not pushing myself to be more self-aware within every moment I breathe in order to catch the patterns I perpetuate in the very act of repeating them so that I am able to direct myself to correct them in real-time, instead of creating consequence for myself through which to learn, which essentially is just a waste of the time that I do have.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to preoccupy myself through participating within creating memories through my mind participations which only serve to distract and misdirect me from utilizing the time I have to change myself effectively.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take the moments of my past where I have fallen for granted, through repeating same/similar patterns within my present moments, thus showing that I have not learnt anything through my 'falls' as I have not taken these moments and used them as the gifts which they are, as they have shown me where/how I have miss-stepped on my journey to self-change in fact.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make my automated patterns/habits and my ways of doing things more important than the decisions which I have made to change, through taking these moments as decisions I have made for granted, as well as at the same time taking the time I have to live these decisions for granted.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not place importance and value onto myself and onto my physical body through taking myself and my life for granted. And from this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not make a change within myself and my life through having allowed myself to take myself and my life for granted.



Sunday, March 30, 2014

Day 157 - Taking Myself & Time for Granted


So I just finished listening to another Eqafe interview, related to 'what you take for granted'. And this interview is really supportive in that it provided me with a self-check point within myself in seeing, realizing and understanding what I have taken for granted. I realized that I have taken my time here on earth for granted, I have taken my life for granted, I have taken my body for granted, and most of all I realized that the common denominator within all of these points is that I have taken myself for granted.

We go through life thinking that we are in some way in control of time.
How many times have I myself kept on promising that I will change a certain self-abusive pattern existent within my life, but then when it comes to actually facing and changing the pattern, I brush it off and push it forward in time within the belief that I have time to do it later. Within this duping myself with the belief that I am in some way in control of my lives in terms of the time aspect of my life.

And this belief system has opened the door for 'taking things for granted', where I keep on taking myself for granted and everything related to my life such as the relationships I have, my body and… well basically everything related to me and my experience here on earth.

I mean, I only have this ONE life - which in itself is another point taken for granted. Somehow believing that everyday will be the same, with the same routines taking place, and from this … projecting this idea that everything is and will be OK, because there is always tomorrow.

So within my next blog I am going to be applying starting with correcting this point which I have realized about myself through applying self-forgiveness for having taken myself and the time I have for granted.




Thursday, March 27, 2014

Day 156 - "I am not a Leader" - said my mind


This is a continuation of my previous blog post - How can I Lead when I am not a Leader?
If you haven't already, I suggest reading this before continuing.

This self-investigation was spurred on by listening to the Interview ‘Leadership’ by the Reptilians Series on Eqafe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have only imagined myself as being a leader, through projecting an image of myself as being a leader within my mind, and from this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that this is the only way in which I am able to be a leader, within my mind imagined reality instead of allowing myself to be a leader within physical reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed self-judgments to get in the way of me actually living what it means to be a leader in fact. From this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed my self-judgments to superimpose themselves onto my reality, where I would allow the self-judgments to take president within how I live my life instead of correcting and directing the judgments in order to establish a living agreement with myself of what it means to live the word 'leader'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within the thought/idea "I am not a leader, and nor will I ever be able to be", instead of moving past this limitation and directing myself to discovering what it means to live the word 'leader' within all aspects of it's expression.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that leader and leadership are two different points entirely, without realizing that these two words as expressions are both part of the same design, the only difference being that 'leader' represents WHO I AM within living the word 'leader, and where 'leadership' represents the WHAT I DO as a leader. From this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to always limit myself within this relationship between leader and leadership, through having always thought that I am only able to lead within certain tasks which come up within my reality, but that I am not able to be an effective leader always in all ways.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I am not able to effectively live the word 'leadership' if my relationship with regards to who I am as a leader is not clear within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand the importance of having my relationship between 'leader' and 'leadership' aligned, as I realize now that one is not able to be an effective leader of one's leadership is not in alignment with what it means to be a leader, and visa versa.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to have stood up as the word leader on all levels within who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have limited myself within the expression of leader and leadership.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have always compared myself to others within my world and reality when ever I have investigated the point of being a leader myself, where I would always look at the other's application within how they lead and direct their world and reality, and then separate myself from this through allowing myself to participate within self-doubt in/as the thoughts "I am not like them/I am not able to be like that".

From this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to on many occasions strive to be like another within their application of being a leader, without seeing, realizing and understanding that within this very act I am living the design of being a follower again, instead of bringing the point of 'leader' back to myself and aligning myself to the living expression of the word within and as myself.

I forgive myself that I have never accepted and allowed myself to discover for MYSELF who I am as a leader, but that I have instead always compared myself to those within my world and reality whom I see as effective leaders. 

Form this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that through always being separate to the word leader through comparison and self-judgment, that  how I do this in the small (i.e ME), I have allowed myself to do this in the big (i.e the WORLD) as well, where I have never allowed myself to develop any true form of self-questioning within the world systems and world leaders who represent and govern these systems. Thus I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to move past my self-imposed self-limitations with regards to investigating what it means to be and live the word leader, and I forgive myself for not having allowed myself to develop self-questioning and investigation into this point for myself.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that in order to lead outside of myself, I require living this for myself as well through living daily self-leadership where I lead myself out of my mind and back into reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rob myself of the possible opportunity of being an effective leader within and without, through having allowed a belief as simple as "I am not a leader" to override my ability to discover and develop myself within the expression of leader and leadership.

Friday, March 21, 2014

Day 155 - How can I Lead when I am not a Leader?


Here I am investigating the point of Leadership as well as the point of being a Leader within this expression. This self-investigation was spurred on by listening to the Interview ‘Leadership’ by the Reptilians Series on Eqafe.

I have never really resonated with being a Leader myself. I have always desired and imagined myself being a leader, however I have never truly become this for myself because of a complex network of self-beliefs and self-judgments which I have clinged to my throughout my whole life.

Now when it comes to leadership, as the act of leading – this I have always been able to do quite easily. For example, whenever there is a task to be completed within a group, and I see that I understand the best way to execute the task at hand due to being able to see how everything connects and how everything has to come together in order to reach the desired result – in these moments I would always stand up and direct/lead within my sharing.

However, I have separated the word ‘leader’ from the word ‘leadership’, in that I see that I possess the skills in certain situations to take leadership on a point, but when it comes to me and who I am within myself, I have never defined what it means to be a leader within and as myself.

So the question must be asked: Can one live only one dimension of what it means to be a leader? Can each dimension of this design be separated from the other and be lived effectively?

Of course not! It’s similar to saying definitively that today you will make bacon and eggs for breakfast and that you will then eat the bacon and eggs. However when it comes to the making and eating part, you only make the eggs and eat the eggs. Here there is a discrepancy within the whole point – On the one hand you say one thing but you do another. The points don’t match up. The bacon and eggs here you could say represent ‘what is means to be a leader’. You cannot only the eggs and say that you ate eggs and bacon for breakfast. Just like you cannot be effective within leadership if you have not aligned who you are in relationship to what it means to be a leader as yourself.

OK – so the bacon and eggs scenario was a weird example, I know – but you catch my drift J

Being a Leader = Who you are, and Leadership = What you do – They are two sides of the same coin. They are inseparable. You cannot proclaim to be an effective leader if your actions/DO-ings are not aligned to this, and visa versa.

Thus, within my next blog post I will be zooming into myself on the point/word ‘Leader’, in order to untangle the intertwined network of beliefs/ideas/judgments I have knotted up within myself with regards to this expression through seeing how I have lived, or rather NOT lived this word within my life.

See you there!


Thursday, February 20, 2014

Day 154 - My Creation Process - Re-Defining Words - Part 1



I am going to be walking a series within my blog titled 'My Creation Process', wherein I will be sharing my re-defined words as well as giving an example of how I have lived and applied the new definition of the word within my world and reality. I will essentially be walking 5 words for myself at a time before I compile the words into a blog.

So without further adieu… Herewith my first 5 words:

Play
I experience play as having an expression of innocence within it - similar to a child. When I play with my animals or with my partner as well as with children - it is the same sort of innocent and fun expression that comes through. I see how I have limited playfulness in that I only allow this expression to come through in certain circumstances, or rather with certain beings in my world and reality. Many times when I have wanted to express playfulness, I have found myself rather going to the other polarity of being serious and tense within my body instead of allowing myself to play - This is mostly when I am around others. When I am alone, I play through painting or drawing or playing with my animals - this is where my expression of play mostly comes out.

So how can I incorporate play into my daily living and move from being limited within this expression to being free to live this whenever/wherever?

As I walk through my day and an opportunity/situation presents itself wherein I can engage in a playful manner, then I should not suppress myself within these moments, but rather allow myself to express my playfulness. Thus, when and as I see this expression come forth within me and see that I am going into the pattern of suppressing it, I will breathe and move myself through my tenseness until I am relaxed - from here I allow myself to explore and express my playfulness.

To allow myself to experience enjoyment through interacting with my world in an innocent playful manner. To allow myself to share and receive enjoyment through the expression of playfulness.

Example of how I practiced the living of 'play' within my world:
Swimming with Noa and Julia. When Noa asked me to swim with him, I liked the idea but immediately felt my body going tense and going into the pattern of suppression. As I looked at all the signs within me of this pattern arising, I breathed and then proceeded to agree to swim with him and Julia.


Freedom of Expression
How can I incorporate freedom of expression into my daily living?

Every moment in everything that I do, I have a choice of how to be within what I do. I can either choose to suppress myself in moments or I can allow myself to express myself freely. When I express myself through speaking as an example - I can choose to suppress that which is inside of me or allow it to come forth and flow from me freely. With Freedom of expression I also see responsibility in this point to not allow 'self-interest expression', in the sense of expressing one's own self-interests without having first investigated the outflows of the self-interest in question.

Thus freedom of expression is the ability to allow myself to unconditionally express and share myself with my world and reality within self-responsibility.

Additional realization: One is only able to live freedom of expression outside of reaction. If one allows oneself to be moved and directed by reactions, on is thus not able to live freedom of expression. So it is crucial to realize that in order to live freedom of expression one has to direct and correct ones reactions within thoughts/backchat, so that one can free oneself from being a slave to energy and thus be free to live freedom of expression in fact.

Example of how I practiced the living of 'freedom of expression' within my world:
I applied this in conversation with a 'person x' in my reality. My interaction with 'person x' has always been limited due to all of the past points we have faced. Like there is a fear of 'if I interact with him he will react to me in some way again and then it will create shit within our relationship'. As I saw him sitting in the lounge, I was guided naturally to go and sit and talk with him, but then experienced a reaction towards this act which brought forth a resistance to do so. I looked at the point and immediately stated within myself "I do not accept and allow this energy of resistance", and proceeded to sit down and communicate with him. It was surprising because it was actually the first time in a very long time that I saw 'person x' actually opening up with me and enjoying interacting with me for a moment.


Openness
To be in a way transparent within oneself, meaning to have nothing to hide. To be like an open book within oneself in terms of everyone around one being able to see self clearly.

To live openness means to not suppress one's reactions/thoughts/backchats, but to address and direct them so that one can have no resistance within oneself towards them, as this could lead to a form of suppression which is the opposite of living openness. To be vulnerable and from this sharing oneself directly and transparently.

Example of how I practiced the living of 'openness' within my world:
I have been applying this with myself in the sense of applying the bricks to the path of openness. I realize that I cannot live openness if I am in reaction and suppression as this is a form of hiding. When I sit down to write, here is where I practice and prepare the way for living openness by really opening up the points I have suppressed within myself. Also in the moments of applying self-forgiveness - when I see that I am reacting and move myself to applying self-forgiveness. In moments this has been tough to really unconditionally apply the self-forgiveness, but I see that the more I do it, the easier and more 'flowing' it becomes.


Sharing
I have never had a resistance/problem with sharing material things such as money, clothes, and miscellaneous things with others. I do see a problem within my sharing of myself with others, in the sense of being open and living openness all the time. There is a fear that they will misinterpret what I share and then consequences will be created (based on memories).

The act of giving of oneself to another/others - To allow someone to enjoy something that I possess through sharing expressions or parts of myself. Practical sharing of house cleaning duties (as an example).
Giving of myself and what I am able to contribute to my world/reality.

After writing the above expression of sharing, the point still did not feel clear within me - like I was missing something.
A point I realized is that within all the words I had defined before this word, within them I was the starting point. Now with sharing as I have allowed myself to live it before, the starting point was outside myself, because here I am dealing with others as the starting point of my sharing. So the following practical questioning arose to assist me in bringing the starting point of sharing back to myself:

Who am I as sharing? How does the word sharing emerge as a living from me as starting point? Me + Sharing = ?

How do I practically live sharing within my world/reality?
Through firstly starting with sharing/giving/gifting myself. To establish ME as the starting point of sharing through allowing myself to share/give to myself.

Thus, when and as I identify a point that I want from another, I stop and breathe and I move myself to giving/sharing that which I want in or from another to myself. Within this I realize that I am not able to truly live sharing with others if I am not able to share with myself.

From allowing myself to live sharing within and towards myself, I expand myself within this expression to allowing myself to share/give to others from ME as the starting point.

Picture it as me being an empty cup. If my cup is empty, then how can I share with others from me if my cup is empty? Thus, I firstly have to fill my cup through the acting of sharing/giving to myself, and from here, as my cup fills up it will eventually start running over, and this is where the contents of my cup will then flow over into the cups of others. So sharing is to firstly fill my cup in order to being able to truly contribute to the filling of another's cup.


Receiving
I have always, for as long as I can remember, had a resistance to receiving from others. I enjoy giving when/as I am able, yet with receiving it is the complete opposite. The experience I go through within my body is almost torturous within a scenario when I am receiving something from someone. My whole body tenses up and all I want to do is run away from the whole event taking place. I have this idea that when/as someone is giving me something, that within this they look down on me as less than (Obviously it's me looking down on myself). This is based on multiple memories from my past where people had felt sorry for me for situations I was in, and from this they would be directed to give me something. Within this I created an absolute revolt within myself towards receiving anything from anyone. It also goes hand in hand with asking for something from someone if/when required, where the end result would be that if they agree, I would have to walk through the accepting/receiving of the point I asked assistance with.

I recall a time in my life where I was struggling to afford to feed myself, alongside having to pay for my own apartment and petrol to get to and from work to be able to afford the apartment. Sometimes I would go 4 days without eating anything because my budget was so tight, yet in these moments of starving, I was still too stubborn to move myself towards asking for assistance from beings in my reality whom I knew would assist me without a second thought, all due to resisting the actual living act of receiving assistance.

When and as I find myself tensing up within my body whenever I am about to receive something from someone, I will stop for a moment and breathe, and from here move myself through the tenseness in my body until I am relaxed - from here I allow myself to be open within myself to receive.

When and as I find myself judging myself as less than when I am about to receive something from another, I stop and I breathe, and I do not allow myself to participate within this pattern of self-judgment any further, but instead allow myself to embrace that which I am about to receive within gratefulness.

Within receiving, one requires understanding that give and receive go hand in hand. Thus, if one is not able to give/share with oneself, then one's relationship within receiving will not be clear. Through allowing oneself to give to oneself, within this act one is already showing that one is able and ready to live the expression of receiving. The starting point here is one's relationship towards give and receive within and towards oneself. Once this is lived as an expression towards oneself, then these expressions will be able to be truly lived towards one's outside world/reality.


I will be sharing my examples of how I have practiced living the examples of 'sharing' and 'receiving' within the next 'My Creation Process' series blog.

See you there :)