I am going to be walking a series within my blog titled 'My Creation Process', wherein I will be sharing my re-defined words as well as giving an example of how I have lived and applied the new definition of the word within my world and reality. I will essentially be walking 5 words for myself at a time before I compile the words into a blog.
So without further adieu… Herewith my first 5 words:
I experience play as having an expression of innocence within it - similar to a child. When I play with my animals or with my partner as well as with children - it is the same sort of innocent and fun expression that comes through. I see how I have limited playfulness in that I only allow this expression to come through in certain circumstances, or rather with certain beings in my world and reality. Many times when I have wanted to express playfulness, I have found myself rather going to the other polarity of being serious and tense within my body instead of allowing myself to play - This is mostly when I am around others. When I am alone, I play through painting or drawing or playing with my animals - this is where my expression of play mostly comes out.
So how can I incorporate play into my daily living and move from being limited within this expression to being free to live this whenever/wherever?
As I walk through my day and an opportunity/situation presents itself wherein I can engage in a playful manner, then I should not suppress myself within these moments, but rather allow myself to express my playfulness. Thus, when and as I see this expression come forth within me and see that I am going into the pattern of suppressing it, I will breathe and move myself through my tenseness until I am relaxed - from here I allow myself to explore and express my playfulness.
To allow myself to experience enjoyment through interacting with my world in an innocent playful manner. To allow myself to share and receive enjoyment through the expression of playfulness.
Example of how I practiced the living of 'play' within my world:
Swimming with Noa and Julia. When Noa asked me to swim with him, I liked the idea but immediately felt my body going tense and going into the pattern of suppression. As I looked at all the signs within me of this pattern arising, I breathed and then proceeded to agree to swim with him and Julia.
Freedom of Expression
How can I incorporate freedom of expression into my daily living?
Every moment in everything that I do, I have a choice of how to be within what I do. I can either choose to suppress myself in moments or I can allow myself to express myself freely. When I express myself through speaking as an example - I can choose to suppress that which is inside of me or allow it to come forth and flow from me freely. With Freedom of expression I also see responsibility in this point to not allow 'self-interest expression', in the sense of expressing one's own self-interests without having first investigated the outflows of the self-interest in question.
Thus freedom of expression is the ability to allow myself to unconditionally express and share myself with my world and reality within self-responsibility.
Additional realization: One is only able to live freedom of expression outside of reaction. If one allows oneself to be moved and directed by reactions, on is thus not able to live freedom of expression. So it is crucial to realize that in order to live freedom of expression one has to direct and correct ones reactions within thoughts/backchat, so that one can free oneself from being a slave to energy and thus be free to live freedom of expression in fact.
Example of how I practiced the living of 'freedom of expression' within my world:
I applied this in conversation with a 'person x' in my reality. My interaction with 'person x' has always been limited due to all of the past points we have faced. Like there is a fear of 'if I interact with him he will react to me in some way again and then it will create shit within our relationship'. As I saw him sitting in the lounge, I was guided naturally to go and sit and talk with him, but then experienced a reaction towards this act which brought forth a resistance to do so. I looked at the point and immediately stated within myself "I do not accept and allow this energy of resistance", and proceeded to sit down and communicate with him. It was surprising because it was actually the first time in a very long time that I saw 'person x' actually opening up with me and enjoying interacting with me for a moment.
To be in a way transparent within oneself, meaning to have nothing to hide. To be like an open book within oneself in terms of everyone around one being able to see self clearly.
To live openness means to not suppress one's reactions/thoughts/backchats, but to address and direct them so that one can have no resistance within oneself towards them, as this could lead to a form of suppression which is the opposite of living openness. To be vulnerable and from this sharing oneself directly and transparently.
Example of how I practiced the living of 'openness' within my world:
I have been applying this with myself in the sense of applying the bricks to the path of openness. I realize that I cannot live openness if I am in reaction and suppression as this is a form of hiding. When I sit down to write, here is where I practice and prepare the way for living openness by really opening up the points I have suppressed within myself. Also in the moments of applying self-forgiveness - when I see that I am reacting and move myself to applying self-forgiveness. In moments this has been tough to really unconditionally apply the self-forgiveness, but I see that the more I do it, the easier and more 'flowing' it becomes.
I have never had a resistance/problem with sharing material things such as money, clothes, and miscellaneous things with others. I do see a problem within my sharing of myself with others, in the sense of being open and living openness all the time. There is a fear that they will misinterpret what I share and then consequences will be created (based on memories).
The act of giving of oneself to another/others - To allow someone to enjoy something that I possess through sharing expressions or parts of myself. Practical sharing of house cleaning duties (as an example).
Giving of myself and what I am able to contribute to my world/reality.
After writing the above expression of sharing, the point still did not feel clear within me - like I was missing something.
A point I realized is that within all the words I had defined before this word, within them I was the starting point. Now with sharing as I have allowed myself to live it before, the starting point was outside myself, because here I am dealing with others as the starting point of my sharing. So the following practical questioning arose to assist me in bringing the starting point of sharing back to myself:
Who am I as sharing? How does the word sharing emerge as a living from me as starting point? Me + Sharing = ?
How do I practically live sharing within my world/reality?
Through firstly starting with sharing/giving/gifting myself. To establish ME as the starting point of sharing through allowing myself to share/give to myself.
Thus, when and as I identify a point that I want from another, I stop and breathe and I move myself to giving/sharing that which I want in or from another to myself. Within this I realize that I am not able to truly live sharing with others if I am not able to share with myself.
From allowing myself to live sharing within and towards myself, I expand myself within this expression to allowing myself to share/give to others from ME as the starting point.
Picture it as me being an empty cup. If my cup is empty, then how can I share with others from me if my cup is empty? Thus, I firstly have to fill my cup through the acting of sharing/giving to myself, and from here, as my cup fills up it will eventually start running over, and this is where the contents of my cup will then flow over into the cups of others. So sharing is to firstly fill my cup in order to being able to truly contribute to the filling of another's cup.
I have always, for as long as I can remember, had a resistance to receiving from others. I enjoy giving when/as I am able, yet with receiving it is the complete opposite. The experience I go through within my body is almost torturous within a scenario when I am receiving something from someone. My whole body tenses up and all I want to do is run away from the whole event taking place. I have this idea that when/as someone is giving me something, that within this they look down on me as less than (Obviously it's me looking down on myself). This is based on multiple memories from my past where people had felt sorry for me for situations I was in, and from this they would be directed to give me something. Within this I created an absolute revolt within myself towards receiving anything from anyone. It also goes hand in hand with asking for something from someone if/when required, where the end result would be that if they agree, I would have to walk through the accepting/receiving of the point I asked assistance with.
I recall a time in my life where I was struggling to afford to feed myself, alongside having to pay for my own apartment and petrol to get to and from work to be able to afford the apartment. Sometimes I would go 4 days without eating anything because my budget was so tight, yet in these moments of starving, I was still too stubborn to move myself towards asking for assistance from beings in my reality whom I knew would assist me without a second thought, all due to resisting the actual living act of receiving assistance.
When and as I find myself tensing up within my body whenever I am about to receive something from someone, I will stop for a moment and breathe, and from here move myself through the tenseness in my body until I am relaxed - from here I allow myself to be open within myself to receive.
When and as I find myself judging myself as less than when I am about to receive something from another, I stop and I breathe, and I do not allow myself to participate within this pattern of self-judgment any further, but instead allow myself to embrace that which I am about to receive within gratefulness.
Within receiving, one requires understanding that give and receive go hand in hand. Thus, if one is not able to give/share with oneself, then one's relationship within receiving will not be clear. Through allowing oneself to give to oneself, within this act one is already showing that one is able and ready to live the expression of receiving. The starting point here is one's relationship towards give and receive within and towards oneself. Once this is lived as an expression towards oneself, then these expressions will be able to be truly lived towards one's outside world/reality.
I will be sharing my examples of how I have practiced living the examples of 'sharing' and 'receiving' within the next 'My Creation Process' series blog.
See you there :)